Friday, February 29, 2008

long table under the trees

this is the title of the next chapter of the book that i am currently reading, under the tuscan sun. really this book is just feeding fuel to the fire of my wanderlust spirit. i am a dreamer. i have a very over active imagination. so when at the library the other day, with a move to europe heavy on my mind, i thought of this book. which i have never read and am now wondering why. it is non-fiction but purely sensual. the descriptions of tuscany are so vivid i can smell the orchards. she also goes into heavy detail about the food at which point i start drooling and make a mental note to pick up some gnocchi next time i am out.
when i came to the title of the next chapter, i had to put the book down feeling that if i read anymore i would have a slight upset stomach like i had eaten too much rich cake. i see the image of these words, a long table under the trees, with the table covered in a crisp white linen table cloth, some lavender sprigs tied up with a blade of grass and set upon each place setting. a bouquet of wild flowers in a clear uncut vase in the center. the trees the table is under are large elms. it is neither too cool nor too hot. i can hear the cooing of doves. the flavors and aromas of the meal are of roasted chicken, a simple salad, sauteed asparagus, and of course large hunks of bread to be dipped in olive oil. plates of bruschetta and bowls of olives placed around the table. some fruit with a wedge of parmesan for desert. occasionally i will see this scene in a movie. people are usually wearing white or khaki linen themselves, children are running around but not crying. there is wine to go around. in my mind i am in tuscany having this picnic or in provence. either place would be perfectly acceptable. the celebration would for a birthday or an anniversary or simply friends and family wanting to be together. this picnic would take up the afternoon. then when the air started to cool a bit women would put on a light sweater and everyone would walk into the village to have a gelato or coffee. (or if in provence a pastry, i suppose). not an espresso but a cafe' something or other at this evening hour. everyone would take the time to savor the tastes, the smells, and sounds. most importantly the friends and family around, not thinking about the time or tasks they should be accomplishing. but for one simple afternoon they could just enjoy the eternity of time.
last night right before i fell asleep the husband asked me, "are going to take all of our savings and buy a house in tuscany when we retire?" "if i get my way. " i replied. and then i heard, "i love you jennie."
to be able to enjoy this picnic that i have created in my mind would certainly rank up there as one my life's great accomplishments.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

my voodoo laptop

as busy season continues i have noticed my crabby mood has increased. it reached the shrieking peak about two weeks ago. now i have entered the wilted flower period. this is when i become withdrawn and sleepy. i have the blahs. i lack creativity. running seems like more a chore than therapy. i have been antsy for change. i see it on the horizon....fondue, canals, an adventure? please, please, please come true. in the meantime i am developing a prototype of a voodoo laptop. not a voodoo doll, because i don't harm people. but i could certainly use a voodoo laptop. or even better a voodoo crackberry!!

Saturday, February 23, 2008

quick, run for your lives!

we are in the midst of busy season. this is the blessed time of the year when my husband goes off to K-LAND never to be heard from again (or at least until late spring.) (unfortunately, he misses most of the fun of sick season.) i have noticed that each year this busy season get longer and longer. this year it started in november and is still going strong, i don't even think we have peaked yet. I, being the perfect wife, am truly supportive and would never ever throw a tantrum or a fit or be nasty and mean spirited in general. oh no, not me, for i am simply the 2008 version of donna reed. don't believe me, huh? well besides trips to the hospital we have been trying to endure busy season as best we can. oh, sure the boy did head-butt someone at preschool and baby girl has discovered the mirror and is having a great time making herself pretty in front of it. (mommy's make-up is lots of fun to get into.) but these activities only last for so long. here is some of what has been keeping us busy:

We took a trip to the local fire department, the boy had decided it was time to get a job.

we drove over the mountains and through the desert to visit grandma

i did steal him one day to go skiing

then i purposely rusted out the bottom of the water heater so he would have to come home and fix it. i can be diabolical at times.

but then after all of the fit throwing, cold showering and hospital admissions it was time for the padded room. (the blur over the boy's head on the third picture is our dear manny)

Thursday, February 21, 2008

why am i still a stay at home mom?

it was once told to be that i was not good at working. i beg to differ on this point, simply because i was very good at my job that i had before i started adventures in mommydom. i actually was very good at all of my jobs. (well maybe not bus-girl, i am a wee clumsy when serving drinks in stemware). i do however, find it incredibly difficult to find employment. i had that problem in college. i had an extremely hard time settling on a major. i went through at least five. i did study very hard in each and every one of my classes. i can see the cum laude behind my name on the diploma from where i am typing this. i am still proud of this despite the fact that i have absolutely no use for that thing all nicely framed on the wall now. in fact, i could probably get by on a second grade reading level at this point. but there is more to education than finding the all encompassing job that one is supposed to obtain upon graduation. to me one of the greatest merits of my degree is that i am not a shrinking violet. i was challenged to think beyond the obvious, to have a opinion and to be able to back it up with a fact or two. i loved college, i loved taking classes, but i just could not figure out what i wanted to do with my "one precious life." i hadn't found my passion.

so am i just selling myself short, am i selling my family short by not returning to work? i really hope not. i never was one that could just do as i was told, i challenge everything. i could say that i am lucky that i "get" to stay at home. that my husband's job provides adequately enough for me not to work. but that is not the whole truth, while yes he provides exceptionally well for all of us, i am not naive enough to think that i couldn't provide the same monetary amount as him if i were to work as well. anyone who says that i "get" to stay home as if i am on some extended vacation where i have maids and nannies and such obviously has never stayed home with a child for longer than a week. this is work and i didn't have a problem finding it. this job fit. i am good at it. it takes the patience of a saint to do this well on some days like any other job in the world. while i may not receive a bonus, or a raise, or a promotion, or even that was a helluva good job you did today; what i do receive is slobbery kisses too many times to count, i get small voices curious about their world and I am the one that gets to explain it to them. me! i get tears, i love yous, and little helpers all day, every day. i get a baby girl who can through a tantrum way better than any ceo who just found out that his private jet is grounded, first class is booked, and he is going to have to ride in coach. i get to laugh at my son's extremely quick wit in the morning when he wakes at 5 and then promptly starts jumping on the bed. so i am sorry to the feminists (or whoever else for that matter) out there saying if i want to change the world i should do it by working and making money, because that is the only way to succeed in life. then i am to buy more useless pieces of crap to feel better about myself. sorry, this feminist says that i made those babies, they lived inside of me and i am going to spend my days with them.

i have found my passion in life. my passion is my family.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

this is a rebroadcast from a previous recording

*i wrote this back in september, for those of you who haven't read it yet, enjoy!*

i don't know who coined the term terrible twos, but they hadn't made it to three yet. my son who will actually be four in december occassionally turns into a maniacal tantrum throwing madman. yesterday took the cake. he went nuclear. it was raining when we left the prescribed early monday morning encounter with the speech pathologist. (the boy's articulation is interesting to say the least...i blame the husband's genes).

so it was suggested by some in the playgroup to meet at a coffee shop (the usual one with the big green circle and james blunt blaring). i met another mom there and ordered my pumpkin spice latte with a cream cheese filled pumpkin muffin for the boy. baby girl has a runny nose and is not too interested in food right now. it was fall like outside and i love pumpkin so i was pretty happy with the selection. i see another mom and we sat down, it was awfully cramped in there and strangely quiet for the number of people. her phone rings...the rest of the herd is meeting at another one of these wonderfully over priced yet seemingly hard to avoid purveyors of caffeine. did i mention the other one is all of 250 feet from this one? i am not exaggerating. so we lugged the little angels on over. this one is at least roomier and a heck of a lot noisier with all the kids running around.

darling boy has decided to touch every last breakable object in the joint, and not only with his grubby little kid paws but with his mouth. i suppose he is testing for lead. after countless "nos!" and time outs i had pretty much had it. alright kiddo it is time to go. i am pretty sure people were awoken in their beds in china after the shriek that boy let out. i manage to usher him out the door just in time to have him dart back in...screaming bloody murder the whole time. i am scrambing at this point, holding on to baby girl (who is hysterically laughing) i can only get his shirt collar. he wiggles free racing back in to hide behind a table, still screaming at the top of his lungs. at this point i actually have a stranger approach me to ask if he can help me carry the baby to the car while i carry the demonic child. no thanks, i see a friend approaching to help. she ends up carrying baby girl to the momma mobile while i carry the boy (who is a rather large 48 pounder) who is STILL kicking and screaming (did i hear applause when we left?)

good grief, i am sure that anyone in the over fifty crowd watching was thinking that kid needs a good spanking. lord knows that is what i would have gotten. but ladies and gentlemen this is 2007 one does not spank their child for being unruly (and heaven forbid in public you'd end up on the news). he was just threatened with time outs until eternity. he did get one (or several was just that kind of a day). the true moral here is not to try and entertain starbucks with a three year old...they prefer james blunt.

10 things you will never hear me say

so i was tagged by denise to write "10 things you will never hear me say." Here it goes:

1. I'll have the rack of lamb

2. no brownies for me thanks

3. I feel blessed knowing I am the one that does my family's laundry

4. I am a Republican

5. Ugh! Another vacation

6. Work as long as you need to dear, I don't mind

7. I don't believe in evolution

8. Driving through Kansas is my idea of a good time

9. I'm not going to Disney World and you can't make me

10. I love math!

Sunday, February 17, 2008

photo essay

here is my essay, i cheated half of the pictures came from page 10.

1. age i will turn on next birthday

2. a place i would like to visit

3. my favorite place ( i have two)

4. my favorite object

5. my favorite food

6. my favorite animal

7. my favorite color

8. city where i was born

9. town i currently live in

10. name of my pet

11. name of my love

12. my last name (this one was a wee bit hard, and icky)

13. my dream house

14. a bad habit

15. my first job

16. my dream job

17. my current job

18. picture that i find funny (wet cats are hilarious!)

19. something that inspires me

Saturday, February 16, 2008

baby girl's trip to the hospital

is it spring, yet? while this winter does not seem as long and drawn out as last winter it is one to remember. so for the second time in the past three weeks, baby girl decided to start barking. this one came on abruptly as croup usually does, unlike a few weeks ago my mommy radar had gone off. it was clearly blaring "go to urgent care, NOW!" this is not to say that my mommy radar is always correct, it has the tendency to go off at silly things, i do have my hypochondriac moments. but as this adventure in mommyhood continues i am learning that there is a clarity that shows up when the real radar is going off, as opposed to the nervous mommy syndrome i sometimes dabble with. so when baby girl's breathing became quite labored we drove off to urgent care and were quickly ushered into a room. after two rounds with the epinephrine nebulizer and some dexemethesone she was still laboring to breathe (better, but still working hard) we got a nice ride in the ambulance to the hospital where the husband and i accompanied baby girl for the evening. she received another breathing treatment in the middle of the night as well as some more dex (she had been climbing Everest you know) and low and behold she was fine. aside from a bit of post nasal drip the girl was perfectly fine. so after she had been rounded on her parents signed all kinds of papers we went home.

"i am wiped out, that was one heck of a night."

"i just flew in from Dallas for this, and this better not be on your blog!"

"i am feeling much better now, and they gave me a doll."

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

une histoire d'amour... la partie une

she boarded the plane bound for frankfurt after a long year in missouri without her family. she had gained the "sophmore 10" in her case. she was depressed. two flights and twelve hours later she landed with a plane full of military members ready to start their new assignments overseas. all she knew was she was unhappy and was looking forward to a summer in europe. upon sensing her depression her mother signed her up to be a red cross volunteer and informed her she would be completing the dreaded college algebra class that summer through the university of maryland's overseas campus in order to keep her mind from wandering too much. the volunteer work was fun, she began to smile, then began exercising again and lost those extra pounds. she traveled to normandy, france to see where US forces landed on D-Day. she traveled to amsterdam (with her grandparents) visited museums, saw where the Frank family hid, was locked in a room with diamonds, peeked at the ladies in the windows when she thought no one was looking. then ate creamy chocolate and learned about tapestries and the stories they tell in belgium.

she started the dreaded college algebra class. she quickly realized the chain smoking engineer who was teaching was not, in fact, teaching algebra but instead a sort of foreign math language which did nothing but jumble in her head. she transferred to a "beginner" college algebra class. math had always been her bane. in the new class she chose her seat, out of character for the usual front and center girl, a desk dead center. while insignificant to most, was important to her. this class proved to be very remedial, but hopefully would prepare her for something that would fill the college algebra requirement. the instructor drooled, a lot.

someone in the front got an easy equation wrong. she looked up to snicker. but instead saw a g.i. out of uniform, wearing black workout pants and a white t-shirt. she noted his very nice arms. later in the week she passed him in the gym and smiled. he intrigued her. she began to take a very long time loading up her bag after class. maybe she could lure him into a conversation. he seemed to like apples, for he ate one most days.

after a couple of weeks of taking 10 minutes to put one book away, perhaps it was going to be her who spoke first.

"do you live here, or on bitburg?"

'here, why?"

"oh no reason, if you lived on bitburg i was going to ask you for a ride"

"i can give you a ride, its not a problem. just let me drop my bike off first and get my car."

she walked with him to his dorm. up the flight of stairs and down the hall, past the dirtiest messiest room she had ever seen they arrived at his. it was clean. there were books. a friend of his wanted a gyro from a restaurant in a neighboring village. they all went in the 1983 white mercedes with navy blue interior together. while the friend went inside for the gyro, the two stayed in the car. she found out he was from texas. he had been stationed in japan before germany. it was sunny that day, she smiled as she spoke. when he dropped her off she realized she was happy.

her mother was also intrigued and pleased. her previous boyfriend had not been up to par with the mother's exacting expectations. a few days passed. as she was walking to the bus stop, he asked her if she need a ride, because he was actually on his way to bitburg. she accepted. two days pass. she has secured a ride from another woman in class, whom she had met in the clinic where she volunteered. he stopped her in the parking lot.

"a couple of us are having a bar b que tonight at the dorms if you what to come."

"sure. here is my number. oh, how would i get there?"

"i can pick you up. do you need a ride now?"

"no, she is giving me a ride, just give me a call in couple of hours. i need to change."

her eye had been bothering her for the past couple of days, she had been wearing her glasses. she hated her glasses, they made her self conscious and they felt heavy on her face.

her mom drove her to the bx at bitburg, he was to pick her up there. she did not have a european driver's license. she felt like a 12 year old having her mom drop her off. he didn't seem to mind. the US mission in kosovo had just ended. all of the g.i.s were more than happy to not be working twelves anymore and were showing it by the amount of beer they were consuming. he only had a couple. some of the airmen were playing volleyball. he joined in. she was never coordinated with balls and decided to sit it out, lest she end up with a bloody nose or black eye. plus, she was still wearing those awful glasses. he took off his shirt. she nearly fell out her chair. later everyone decided to go to the Bash, it was 4th of july weekend and the base was having a carnival in celebration. they rode rides together and they both nearly got sick. that was unlike her, she never got sick on rides.

someone mentioned the bitburg pub. they joined the group. it was dark, smokey, it had wooden walls with pictures of proper english men drinking guinness and bulldogs on them, a pool table. it was packed. she ordered a guinness, she didn't like them much, but they were on the wall and she didn't want to seem silly ordering something too feminine.

late that night he drove her home. through the village, then the forest, down a hill to the very old backesmuhle. an oasis, really. large flower boxes, a garden, a barn, a chateau by a creek. she leaned over to kiss him. they smooshed noses. she was horrified, he cupped her chin and brought her in for a kiss. they kissed, once. she left the car and went inside.

they agreed the next day that they would go to the movies in Luxembourg. he was late, very late picking her up. she wasn't worried that he had stood her up though. he had gotten lost returning, had turned down the wrong road and could not find the forest before the house. they missed the movie. instead they wandered upon a square filled with shops and restaurants. there were tables set up in rows in the middle of the square. the ground was old cobblestone, the buildings were more ornate having a french influence, but still very germanic in nature. they noticed a mexican restaurant and decided on a margarita, laughing at the thought of having mexican food in europe for they had not yet discovered wine, nor french cuisine. sitting at the white tables in rows under strands of lights strung from building to building they listened to everyone speaking french. it was warm and humid evening. she noticed little sweat beads forming on the small of her back and hoped he did not notice too. they went for a walk venturing down into the grund. a valley in the middle of the city, with walking paths, trees, flowers, and casemates. surprisingly a natural landscape, for most of the area had perfected the organized garden. she realized she was vulnerable down here with him but was not scared. after an hour of walking, they walked back up the path to return to the car. they somehow managed to wander into a private estate garden, it was well manicured. shaped bushes and tidy paths. he pulled her in and kissed her for a long time in that well manicured private garden in Luxembourg.

to be continued....

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

one of those "teachable moments" for mommy

so the boy has been a real treat these past of couple of days let me tell you! in all honesty i can't really blame the kid with the husband's coming and goings, speech, preschool, learning how to ski. in four year old land these things can add up. but the other day he performed an act that completely melted me.

he asked me, "mom, are there little boys that don't have toys?"


"I am going to pick out one of my toys and give it to someone that doesn't have a toy."

"that is very nice of you," as i go back to whatever it was that i was doing, cleaning, cleaning, or maybe some cleaning. a little while later he asks me for the tape. now i have learned that scotch tape and children generally do not mix well. so i asked him what he need it for.

"to wrap up the toy." the toy? oh yes, the toy for the little boy that doesn't have one. "here you go." as we were leaving the house later that day i noticed the flag was up on the mailbox. odd, since i hadn't put any mail out. so after i wrangled the kids in the car and properly tethered them down i went and check the mailbox. the toy that he was giving someone was in there. lump in throat. he seems to understand the mail process enough to realize that we will put things in the white box and then they go to other people somehow involving a mail truck. i secretly grabbed the wrapped toy and shoved it under my shirt and then slipped it in the diaper bag. i can't figure out what to do with it, to donate it or just put it back in the toy box. but what i do know is that aside from all the patience testing and generalized naughtiness, i have an angel at home.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

hey buddy, do ya' got a light?

so the face is getting better, still scary, like i should be in a dermatology book about rare and horrible skin diseases, but now it is just pink versus the previous bright red and it is still flaking, but thankfully not large sheets much anymore. i have noticed during this very annoying process that if you are at all unordinary (and not in a good way, not say unordinary like giselle bundchen) people do not want to help you in public. that's right folks, people can be down right nasty! i noticed this a bit when taking the boy to preschool people would stare (which I can't really blame them for) but then wouldn't say give the usual smile. when i had to go to the large orange home improvement store no one would help me, if i started to approach someone they would honest to God avert their eyes and turn about face!!!! the usual response i get is "oh look there is a woman with two small children, i bet she needs our help let's ask her"...from about five people. but today at at a large lighting store (we are replacing the light fixture in our kitchen because it no longer works, actually it has been "dying" for quite sometime but we like to wait until our things are completely dead and useless before we replace them) the lady who was "helping" us was acting extremely odd, downright rude for someone trying to make a buck. she was standing an unusual distance from us when speaking, was rude to the boy, and very rude to the husband. baby girl and i were milling about the store most of the time trying to keep out of trouble. baby girl was riding in not a cart, but sort of like the shopping push thingies they have at Kohls, kid rides in a seat upfront and there is a bag behind to put all your useless goods in. when we decided we had had enough insulting from crazy lighting lady we left, as we pulled away we saw her SCRUBBING down the kid-push-arounder. i can see if we had been coughing, sneezing, licking, eating or any other thing in which bodily fluids would have come into contact with the kid-push-arounder a full scrubbing with Clorox bleach wipes would be warranted, but there was none of this. half the time baby girl wasn't in the seat. no one even has a cough or snotty nose anymore, not even a boogger was hanging out. (believe me, i checked.) i don't think that we are smelly or unclean individuals either. i guess i should be pleased that someone was actually cleaning one of these things, because we all know that restaurants clean their highchairs on leap years only, but it just seemed so odd, i mean we were pulling away and she was out there scrubbing, so she must have grabbed the supplies as soon we walked out the door or even as we were starting for the door. the husband and i found the whole lighting store experience very odd to begin with and that really did take the cake. in my neurosis over my skin it occurred to me that perhaps she was acting so odd because she is afraid she may (or other chandelier purchasers in the denver metro area) may contract my downright horrible skin reddening/flaking disease that must mean death is near. oh the horror. perhaps i have thought too long about this. so we went back to large orange home improvement store and the husband picked out an adequate fixture for the ceiling (i had assumed, wrongly, that the electrical box would be in the middle of the kitchen and not at the far end when i purchased the last, i want light in my kitchen but not florescent tube lights, fixture.) I sure hope this skin annoyance clears up soon.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

i just want to dance

so while i sit here waiting for my face to fall off i have come up with interesting things to keep the kids and i occupied due to the fact i am NOT leaving the house like this. since the boy didn't nap today he went down early as did baby girl so i have some extra time to myself. in order to relieve the very dry scaly face (goodness am i hideous right now) i sat in the steamy bathroom, and because i have the handy dandy iphone i wasn't bored. i have read everything in the house thus far. the handy dandy iphone has youtube so i watch videos to keep myself entertained, tonight it was the evolution of dance. i have seen this many times but i always laugh so hard. then i searched for other great dance tunes because i suddenly remembered this girl loves to dance. this all started when i studied abroad in Cuernavaca, Mexico. I took a salsa lesson and thought i could shake it like the locals (but probably not). here she goes talking about germany again...we would dance all the time, and it was so damn fun. at the pub in trier they had good cover bands so we would sing and dance to 'em, then there was palais that was always fun, a jam packed night club way down in the basement of a 400 year old building. (now i would be worried about a fire risk) but in germany they also have bubble parties or schaum parties auf deutsche, which actually means foam and not bubble. i have heard they have these (or did) in parts of the US but were not nearly as great. what happens is they fill and I do mean fill up the club with soap suds, when it comes out of the machine it will go over your head if you are in the middle of the dance floor. you basically just slosh around in bubbles all night. in vegas we went out a couple of times, very expensive and a lot more showy, but still pretty fun. I have not been dancing since we have had children, unless you count me dancing around the house...which i do often. when that nelly furtado/timbaland song came out a couple of years ago i danced all over the house to it, appropriate song too, seeing as how i was pregnant. so now as i shake it around the house waiting for my new skin all i can think is this girl needs a night out. so dear husband, if you happen to read, mommy needs to dance. wiggle wiggle, wiggle wiggle

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Where's the beef?

This is absolutely disgusting. Following a undercover investigation by the Humane Society the USDA put a "hold" on beef in schools. The allegations are that meat was coming from downer cows at Westland Meat Company. Downer cows are those that can't stand at the time of slaughter. This can also be a symptom of Mad Cow. But we don't have mad cow here right, no need to test for it. Just serve up a heaping pile of meat to the kids and hope for the best. Of the 30.6 million school lunches served in 2007 59.3% of them were free or reduced cost. So this dog food meat being served to kids unfortunately may be the only meal some of these kids are getting. I certainly think that as the great nation I keep hearing about in this time of political hype that we could be doing a hell of a lot better!

Monday, February 4, 2008

vanity has gotten the best of me

As a teenager I rarely had a problem with my skin. Oh sure there would be trouble sometimes and I would completely freak out and pick and pick and pick, only to wind up with a scab. My skin is not aging well, oh no mind you, not wrinkles or sun damage, I at times, more often than not, look like an oily Mc Donald's working sixteen year old. Granted there is the off week that I am free and clear from the dreaded rupture, but lately that is not too often. This all started when I was in Germany, not sure why the zitties came then, perhaps all the extra alcohol I was consuming...hey those were my glory days. So after the first few antibiotics and fake hormones didn't do the trick I went on the much hated Accutane. If you google this medication you will find horror stories, thankfully all it caused me was dry lips and the skin quality of a princess. It was shorted lived, a year later I was back on it, but still no side effects. You must have your liver checked while on this medication mine was apparently processing tequila like a champ (although now I am sure I would be passed out under the table from just the smell). So one big beautiful wedding later I was still zit free. As time wore on I would get an occasional break out, but hey nothing to write home about. Until I got pregnant, it was instantaneous. Unfortunately there is not a whole lot to be done about acne while pregnant, except for some good cover-up. Nursing doesn't help matters either. The next pregnancy started off even worse and then cleared up when I was about 4 months. What most adults take for granted I now had. Glowing skin, it wasn't oily, dry, I didn't look like a teenager "in the family way." I even got some compliments on my skin!!!! But, for whatever reason the damn things came back when my daughter was about six month old. Worse than ever too. As soon as I was done nursing I got on some antibiotics, got micro-dermed and a treated with an IPL laser. Plenty of freckles came off, but the pimples held on for dear life. This was actually starting to depress me. I don't have a weight problem, my hair is ok most of the time (aside from a couple of grays), I am sure that a post-baby enhancement wouldn't be a horrible thing, but for the most part I am really ok with my image. I am NOT ok with my skin. So yesterday I had a Levulan photodynamic treatment done. This is not for the faint of heart. No lie, I now look like a tomato! So the process is: micro-derm (this doesn't hurt its more like a rough wash cloth than anything), then some sort of acid is applied (but doesn't hurt), then you hang out and read all about celebrity gossip for an hour, then you sit in front of a BLU U light. This is where it begins to hurt, or burn really. This BLU U light looks like a tanning bed for your face, but it is C-shaped so all sides of your face are covered. Unlike a tanning bed it doesn't cause skin cancer, but is supposed to kill bacteria on your skin. The acid that is applied is activated by the light and is used to obtain a better end response than just the light alone. So while having my flesh burned off I entertained myself by singing show tunes, mainly The Sound of Music. I sat under the light for 12 minutes. One hopes for a tomato like appearance because that means your skin is responding well and hopefully will have the desired "perfect" skin in a couple of weeks. Thankfully, I have the medical hook up (my mama) so this is all very inexpensive because I am not sure I would pay full price for this, I am vain but perhaps not that vain. Plus we are doing very well on the budget (aside from still contemplating the horse). So now I am supposed to stay inside for a few days, direct sunlight burns like the dickens. Plus I am REALLY ugly right now, not only red but puffy to boot. I still have a family to attend to though, so this morning I wrapped my face up in a scarf put on some sun glasses (its cloudy and snowing today) and tried to channel a Muslim Jackie O. I am pretty sure I just looked crazy while taking the boy to speech and grocery shopping. Pretty soon whole sheets of my skin are supposed to peel off, I can't wait. Sheesh.