Tuesday, April 22, 2008

mercy mercy me

Quick I need some SAHM (i hate acronyms) LOVE dear Universe. Would I somehow be a more productive member of society if I were to pay other people to do what I do now...so I too could make oodles and oodles of money for a large corporation or small corporation. Is what I do worth a damn in reality? Or am I just foolin' myself and stroking the ego? Huh? Universe, is this my GREAT BIG PURPOSE in this one short life? Did I really just go from having my parents support me to having a husband support me? Should I just hire an illegal alien to watch my kids and then I could REALLY and TRULY offer the world my services? Is this life that I lead now going to come back and haunt me when I have no money in my own social security fund? Is what I do even a job? Oh and tell me again Universe why did I study hard and get that degree? So I could be a cop-out and be one of those SAHMs bitching about my life?????? I WANT ANSWERS!

Here is my resume for your consideration



Jennie X


ACADEMIC EDUCATION
Degree GPA Institution
B.A. Useless Liberal Arts Degree 3.8/4.0      University of Nevada, Las Vegas, NV

WORK EXPERIENCE
-Obstetrics and Gynecology Clinic                X Air Base, Germany
Medical Technician- Red Cross Volunteer
Handled neurotic pregnant and non pregnant women’s urine samples, blood pressure, handed instruments to doctors for cootie collection

X TITLE CO.                                           Las Vegas, NV
Escrow Officer
Made borrowers sign loan documents that they in no way understood, then notarized such documents. Then received large sums of money from FDIC backed banking institutions through the Federal Reserve and funded not understood by borrowers loans. Fielded awful horrible phone calls from strippers turned mortgage brokers.


SAHM                                                    Suburbia, CO
Ass Wiper Extraordinaire/ Volunteer Sucker
Had two children surgically removed from my abdomen. Fed said children with homemade milk. Woke up multiple times a night to feed and diaper children. Took showers so I wouldn’t smell like rotten milk for husband. Cooked homemade, non-boxed, corn syrup free, organically, locally, expensively grown food for family. Was responsible for cleaning up ten-trillion toys each working day. Wiped bottoms, faces, hands during crying, wiggling, wailing sessions with co-workers. Washed dog, dishes, children, floors, counter tops, toilet bowls, bathtub, car, walls, railings, doors, couches, ceilings, and clothing every working day. Got suckered onto being the Treasurer for MOMS Club, on staff parish committee, and now on board for preschool. Made people take naps. In charge of landscaping. Made sure I was appropriately dressed and not wearing sweat pants when Mr. Man with the Cash comes through the door each evening.


CAREER ACHIEVEMENTS
• Dean’s List at UNLV
• Language intensive study abroad course in Cuernavaca, Mexico, 1998
• Volunteer of the Quarter X Air Base, Germany, 2000
• Cum Laude
• Major GPA 4.0 because those Useless Liberal Arts classes are so easy a monkey could pass them.
• Got some bonuses at work
• Thrown up on
• Pooped on
• Peed On
• Ran up Credit Card Debt
• Loved most by two small children and weird man
• Being suckered into volunteering too much
• Ran two marathons


PROFESSIONAL AFFILIATIONS
MOMS CLUB – Treasurer
Losing my identity and self respect – Class President
Ass Wiping Club - Secretary




PERSONAL INTERESTS
Foreign Languages*
Running
Cycling
Camping
Skiing
Snow Shoeing
Horseback Riding
Hiding in Bathroom
Being a Smart ass 
Reading self help books


*Conversant in Spanish, intermediate ability in German, fluent in toddler tantrums, crying jags, and KLANDese


7 comments:

EatPlayLove said...

One thing I can guarantee in your dilemma is that there will be no social security come X amount of years when you would be drawing from it. So I wouldn't be so concerned about contributing.

You know you LOVE your job, the money will come later. What's a few years really. SAHM helps keep you grounded so you don't go wild when your professional boat comes in.

Anonymous said...

Hot Fudge Sundae time...you need two or three immediately.

Cathy said...

I hear you--I struggle with the SAHM thing every day. I love it and hate at the same time. I DID NOT plan on being a SAHM, and still cringe every time I have put in an application. But I love being the one to take care of my kids. I know what you mean about SS thing--mine is pretty pathetic. But Denise is right--it probably won't be around when it comes time to "retire" anyway. :)

Tootsie Farklepants said...

"Peed on" "Pooped on" ROTFLMAO!! That made me laugh.

ahem. Sorry.

love2cook said...

You ARE doing something meaningful - taking care of two children who will eventually become productive, successful adults. Yes, it is the most challenging job; that's why it's important to find time for yourself too. Every week do something for you, and don't ever think it's selfish. It keeps you sane. That's how I survive and contemplate my life.

BTW, you are a great, dedicated mother. Your children will definitely thank you someday. To get a perspective of a crazy mother, I suggest you read "The Glass Castle." It's a GREAT book about a dysfunctional family, and it's a TRUE story. After reading it, you will see many of the positive things you do.

Sorry for ranting :)

Kathleen said...

This is the most worth while, under paid, underrated, exhausting yet the most rewarding job in the world. You will thank yourself for doing it i promise.

And besides Look on the bright side if there is SS atleast you will get some even if i become a citizen by then i still wont get any no matter how much i pay in!

jennie said...

sniffle sniffle...thanks guys.