Tuesday, October 14, 2008

big fat underwear...come back tomorrow Dad



Seeing as how I am knocked up for a third and final time (because Lord help the Jennie household if I have to do this again!) I thought I could now be considered an expert on the subject of massive weight gain primarily in the ass. One might think fat would be redistributed to the tummy region to accommodate the growing fetus. Not in my body. Oh sure my belly is quite large and really stretched out but the scary part is my tush. Mommy and me swim lessons are an exercise in humility at this point. (Thankfully I lose it all during the oh so fun nursing phase.)

Now ladies, we all have been in the maternity stores and gasped in simultaneous horror and bewilderment at the maternity thong. I may or may not have purchased one of these devices last go around to deal with the unsightly underwear line that accompanies white capri's. (The white pants, which do NOT look good on pregnant people, were deemed necessary for the Island Attire mandated heavy hors dourves/open bar for those not pregnant party at the husband's bosses house. At least the food was good.) Thankfully this time I can simply purchase a tree skirt as a dress for Kland's Holiday Party and may blissfully partake in...maternity underwear, and no one will ever know. 

For any men reading, maternity underwear are simply glorified granny pants. And like a scene out of Bridget Jone's diary are necessary because no one wants to look as though her bottom ate her underwear and quite comfy I must say. I purchased some of the unsightly things a couple weeks back, brought them home and gleefully showed them to the unamused husband. But they have gone missing!!!! Missing, still in their package and everything. I looked through the shopping bags they came home in, under the bed with the dust bunnies, in all of the laundry baskets. But nope they are gone. And while the husband may not have been so enamored with  the maternity drawers, where it is almost impossible to tell which side is the front and which side is the back, I don't think he is hiding them from me. Or at least he had better not be. You just don't steal a pregnant ladies' big enough to be a hammock for an eleven pound newborn underwear. I WANT the damn things. And seeing as how they were labeled "maternity" as opposed to "granny" they were slightly pricey.  So I am dealing with my ever growing bottom with boy shorts underwear trying their damnedest to take the place of the other misplaced underpinnings. 

I suppose I could just bite the bullet and go buy some more. I did notice the maternity stores are now selling maternity spanx. I wonder how well they work? 

4 comments:

love2cook said...

LOL!!! Maternity spanx? That sounds like torture!! Hopefully the boy didn't steal the undies in order to make a hat ;)

bernthis said...

I once lost a strapless bra in my house (a YEAR AGO) and honest to God, I cannot find it and just so you know, I'm divorced and so it's just me and my now 5 year old and I don't think she took it....or did she? hmmmmm

The Bewildered A1C Manny said...

Hmmmmmmmmm,a mystery is afoot

Marzipan said...

I saw your post about being a 50's housewife for a week and thought I'd share! I'm doing the same sort of experiment for a year. Thought you might like...

cheers!