I am supposed to be doing a few other things besides blogging...like folding two loads of laundry, making the boys bed up with his new bedspread and pillows his great grandma made him, preparing for tonight's billing paying and budgeting party I am having with the CPA husband. It is going to be a hoot! But you know what I am blogging with wine glass in hand to you kind souls...all six of you who read this drivel.
I have a problem about not doing things that I want to do and then feeling resentment about it. I am not sure if all moms do this or just the crowd that I run with. I am pretty sure that my mom just always did what she wanted to...and still does. But I noticed last week that I don't own lipstick. I noticed this because I needed to kiss a paper cut out of my hand and send it to school with baby girl. I used chapstick. I also noticed my hair hadn't been cut since February and the grays were up there multiplying and sneering. I realized that I have not bought clothes for myself with out a gift card (given to me by my concerned mother) for 4 years. FOUR YEARS!!!!! Outlet mall in St. Augustine, FL thank you kindly. My clothes are hand me downs of said concerned mother or gifts of said concerned mother. I WANT NEW CLOTHES. It is not that we can't afford new clothes, or that my husband won't let me shop or any such nonsense. It is that I don't take the time. I don't take the time to purchase lipstick, cut my hair, I only go to the gym when the two older kids are at school and the baby will nap there (and there are less kids there so he won't get sick).
The husband does not have this problem. When he is tired mid day on a random Saturday you can find him snoozing in front of some sports program. When on business trip does he sit in his hotel room brooding over the fact that he is not with his family and that his poor wife is at home alone tragically with three kids none of which will sleep and all appear to have gobs of wax in their ears for none will listen? Nope. He is out to dinner, drinks, baseball games, checking out local tri-clubs that have Olympic athletes who coach them. When he needs new clothes he buys them, his hair is neatly groomed complete with product. He has been like this since I met him. I used to be like this too. I really don't think that it is selfish. A year ago I did. But today I don't. People are nicer to one another when they take a little time for themselves.
This past month I realized why suburban moms are grouchy and overweight. All we do is drive our families to THEIR lives and purchase things for THEIR lives and not our own. We are constantly in the car, or preparing to be in the car or just returning from being in the car...all the car time was spent driving people to school and activities. I think school and activities are important. So I will drive my kids. I have an iPhone so I can keep myself somewhat amused while waiting for said kids to enjoys their lives. But yet, I am a do-er. I am a person that needs to DO things. I need to move. I need something to look forward to. I need to day dream about it, how much fun it will be and what I will wear. I know I should be above the what I should wear thing but I am not. I think about it. But yet, I hardly ever go out and then when I do I feel terribly guilty about it. My trip to LA this year was so much fun. On a whim, in a very un Jennie-like fashion I left the baby so I could go out and eat with friends, just as adults. It was awesome. I love my kids but adult time is very good. I figured he was fine, he was with someone who watches my friend's son all the time. It was the first time I left him with a non relative babysitter where I was not in the building running on a treadmill. I had so much fun in fact I said to my self, Self what the hell are you doing? Are you just a chauffeur to everyone else's fun? Are you not worth it? Do you not deserve fun too? This is YOUR life as well, the martyr thing is getting a bit old.
I pondered this thought for a while. Then the lipstick and hair thing happened. I thought enough is enough. I got my hair cut. (Grays are still there but I am working on that.) On Saturday I went shopping by myself. The kids stayed with their OTHER parent, he is not a babysitter. I learned that jean shopping while necessary, is never fun, kids in tow or not. Then while Mr. Man was snoozing in front of baseball I up and left for yoga. (I did wait 45 minutes into the nap and did tell him I was leaving, the other people that live here were asleep as well.)
And then the coolest thing ever happened. While I was checking my email a friend emailed that she had a slamming deal on tickets/hotel to London in January because her brother is a travel agent. Do I and another friend want to come? LONDON??? I sat and thought about it for 20 minutes. It was such a deal that it was so hard to pass up based on money alone. Oh I could be all altruistic and say that I shouldn't because we just bought a house and the economy is bad and are there savings and student loan bills and all that. Yes I could Suze Orman, but I didn't and I am not going too. All these thoughts were running in my head, what about the kids will they be OK with the husband? Will he mind? Will they be scared for life? On and on it went, until I let the husband read the email. All he said was "bye."
REALLY??? I can go? You don't mind?
Nope not at all.
The I started squealing and jumping up and down. It was obnoxious but I was and am just so excited. Six nights in London with friends. Do what I want when I want. Its going to be such a whirl wind there will be no sleeping in or succumbing to the jet lag (I never sleep now anyway so I can handle that.)As you all know I love Europe. Do I feel selfish. Yep, but this is my life too and when opportunities like this come up I am no longer going to pass them up because someone may get a cold while I am gone, or eat too much candy, or sleep in their clothes the whole time. The husband is their parent, not their babysitting he can hang. (Plus he is going on his own life changing trip in November that I will blog about...it is an awesome one for sure.) Now I am dreaming of fish and chips, hard cider on tap, tubes, beautiful black cabs, train stations, dreary weather, Earl Grey, museums, Cathedrals, plays in the West End, Harrods, not really Hugh Grant but perhaps Chris Martin. And not to mention what I will wear. I put my check in the mail today and lifted up the little flag thing. It felt good knowing that I was doing this for myself, being spontaneous once again, trusting my husband...I think I am making progress.