Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Is Ambien compatible with nursing?

You've all heard the saying if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. Well as you have noticed I have not said anything for a good month. Because, really, who wants to hear what has been running through my mind. Nothing pleasant, inspiring, happy, grateful, instead of lot of poor little me. It was getting obnoxious even to me. I really have not a whole lot to complain about, I am well provided for, got my dream house this year, finally went shopping, I am going to London, the husband is going to Kenya. But the poor old me just kept returning. I am well aware it is primarily due to lack of sleep.

My kids are on top of me needing something all day long. We entered some other dimension this year with the boy starting state mandated school. I am not in charge of the schedule. He has homework, books to read, egg cartons to fill with stuff, letters to write over and over. Then there is the football which is an entirely different blog. Big fat baby is working on some upper teeth and it must be pretty painful because he howls quite a lot. Baby girl has become one of the most stubborn people on planet Earth. She now just laughs at me when she is put in a time out. Or when I get mad at her and scream...yes I am now screaming. I feel like I deserve the best mommy in the world award.

And then night falls. And our nighttime routine begins. The baby goes down first. Then the big kids get baths, jammies, stories, teeth brushing. Then we say prayers, usually multiple times because everyone wants everyone in THEIR room while prayers are said. (Then I feel guilty because I am annoyed at the whole praying thing.) The boy goes to bed. Baby girl becomes more demanding than Mariah Carey! I want water. There is a booger on my finger. Will you sleep in here all night? How about a little bit? Hold my hand (with the booger now smeared). Leave my light on! So the husband runs off to do whatever (until last night it was to watch baseball) and I sit with baby girl and hold her hand until she falls asleep. Because she will scream and scream chasing me around the house demanding all sorts of heinous things like food and water if I don't. Finally she gets to sleep....and big fat baby wakes up and wants food. So I feed him. After he is down again I make a mad rush to pick up the house because if I wake up to a mess I go nuclear, I'm not even kidding. Then I get ready for bed and lay down. Husband wanders in and turns on t.v. to watch the weather babe and Conan (even though he was watching t.v. downstairs, yes ladies men are strange creatures). I let out a large exasperated sigh put the pillow over my head and fall asleep. For an hour and then I am awoken to find baby girl fussing in my face once again about the booger. I turn off Conan because the husband is now snoring. I take baby girl back to bed screaming. Lay down in her bed to get her to sleep. Then big fat baby wakes up. He's not really hunger he just thinks he is, but his teeth actually hurt so I give him Tylenol, which I realize I should have done way earlier. Then I put him down. He get back up 20 minutes later. We do this dance for about an hour and a half. Then baby girl decides that she will sleep with mommy and daddy and brings all her own bedding. Last night we had added fun because the the boy who usually sleeps through everything was up as well. His legs hurts, his knee hurts, I'm going to sleep with you. Then at 5:45 am big fat baby wakes up and the boy declares that oops I wet your bed mom and baby girl starts fussing because she was woken up from her beauty sleep. Sometimes the dog and the cat want their needs met in the middle of then night as well. It never ends. All of this makes me very tired and look like shit. I try my best but lately it just doesn't even matter. I have little patience and am over caffeinated. Plus I am working on a very serious conundrum: is it better to have an audience of three while going to the bathroom or to deal with the chaos that occurs if I shut the door?

Then some nights (about once every two weeks) everyone sleeps and all is well in my little world. This is why I never write anymore I am tired, and I live with the fear that it will all be taken away from me and my problems really aren't even problems because if someone is going to keep me up for nights on end I am happy it is my family. Simply because they are mine.

(I typed this in 15 minutes and was only sat on once and yelled for may be a good day.)

1 comment:

Kathleen said...

Well on the bright side at least you have MNO tonight! Lack of sleep does weird things to people, my plan was always just take it one day at a time, if i can make it through today i'll worry about tomorrow tomorrow. One day, soon, they will be approaching teenage years and next thing all they will want to do is sleep! (or so i am told!)