Thursday, October 15, 2009

This blog post has an NC-17 rating in my opinion, you've been warned

"We are going to have a substitute today Mommy."

"Oh yeah? How come?"

"My teacher is going to the dentist. The substitute is pretty."

"Why is she pretty?'

"She has long blonde hair like baby girl."

Baby girl turned around to smile. So I asked her what she thought was pretty, to which she stated that Hello Kitty was pretty.

This idea of pretty or beauty has been on my mind quite a bit lately. I think it started because I am making an honest effort to beautify my appearance everyday. This involves things that I thought I had a knack for but clearly I do not. I still can't figure out eye make up for the life of me. How do you people keep this stuff on all day? I put on make up and, no lie, ten minutes later it is gone. I also am wondering about beauty and society and such, not for my own insecureness, but because of baby girl. I have seen two videos this week regarding this subject matter. One is from Dove and shows what is done to "make" someone beautiful. Hair, make up, then computer imaging. The other was from the strip pole world championships. Don't worry everyone was fully clothed and while I am not a frequenter of strip clubs I have seen this advertised as a way for the suburban mom crowd to get into shape. So I am adding stripper to the ongoing list of roles that are now put out by society for women. I am only guessing now, but based on what the internets and cable tells me, it seems as though I am to wear nothing but high heels and pearls while I cook gourmet meals and cookies all day, somehow go to work naked to please the glass ceiling with my happy hour cocktail in hand, stay at home to watch the kids while exercising with the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, have fake nails, highlights, fake D cups, a brazilian, Botox, laser hair removal, lip plumpers, and wait for it... I was just informed this evening LVR. (Or to those of you not in the know a Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation.) I so wish I was lying, but I am not.

Since I am not one to watch Dr. 90210, The Doctors, Oprah (hey spellcheck doesn't know Oprah that's weird) and Dr. Oz I was not in the Vajayjay loop. I even have a OBGYN for a mom and STILL did not know that this was a, um, thing to do. Now granted, I am sure there are post-childbirth cases out there that may need surgical intervention (don't know for sure I have an abdominal scar from my birthing of people), however, this is being advertised as "Your Most Personal Makeover."

This little makeover is performed at your local vaginal rejuvenation center. Seriously people that's all I need my daughter feeling insecure about as a young woman, her butt, thighs, chest, but her labia??? Apparently this place can make that particular body part more symmetrical. Not to mention the 87% success rate for their g-spot amplification and "designer" vaginoplasty, not just your run of the mill vaginoplasty, but DESIGNER. What the hell is a vaginoplasty?

I am really at a loss here, honestly. I can't believe my daughter is going to come of age and all this nonsense will be beating her down. This ad was posted in local magazine it is full of laser centers, some anti aging hormonal nonsense, lose inches by laser, it goes on and on...all geared to women, not a single man in the before and after pictures. The other side of this ad was for your good old fashion family run local pumpkin patch it wasn't like I was hanging out with a Maxim or anything. I want my daughter to be a secure woman, not a plastic doll with no brain and full of ideas about how not even her girly parts are off limits to plastic surgery. I try to show her a good example even at her young age, that one must eat healthy, exercise, voice her opinions, we encourage education and hard work in our family. But I too am insecure about my looks despite what some may think, I really do care about how I look. I want her to feel proud of herself and feel the power of her body and not worried about trying to look like a porn star at 16, 25, 30, 45, or 60. I'm not Catholic but she may end up in a Convent. And I didn't see one single ad for the penile enlargement spa, I guess there is Viagra for that matter.

click on the picture to see all my snarky comments and gory details (not sure this works on FB feeder)


Anna said...

Holy Macaroni! Another positive for adoptive mommas like me, no worries here.

Jen said...

Ah, I saw that ad too last week. Tom and I had quite the chuckle over it. Apparently I have more to worry about than I thought! Had no idea I *needed* to have plastic surgery on a place that EXACTLY two people see, one of them NOT ME. Sigh. While I'm sad I don't have a daughter, it's crap like this that makes me relieved I have only boys.