Wednesday, September 22, 2010

feel the burn

I don't like group fitness. It always feels so awkward. I generally don't know anyone in class, while lots of other women are chatting. I always feel like the new kid. The exception to this would be spin class, but that's only because it is in the dark and you get to go on a virtual tour or watch a race. However, I am mixing up my workout routine and as I said earlier I am trying to incorporate more strength training. I heard there was a trainer at the gym that was really tough. I have a lot of endurance so cardio classes generally are not too challenging for me, so I was interested in trying out a class that was supposed to be difficult. (Plus, I can be a bit competitive and hard sounded competitive.)

Now I remember who reminds me of Capt. Winters in Band of Brothers, we will call the trainer Capt. Winters. Capt. Winters is a crazy person; like run around the room screaming like a mean drill sergeant crazy, only he is hilarious at the same time making snarky comments. Plus his class was really really hard. So I decided that I would try his other class. I dropped the boy off at school and sped to the gym because I was told one needed to come early to class to set up because it fills up. I noticed the stream of speeding SUVs and minivans all heading the same way I was, then the ladies in the vehicles rushed to get out their strollers, then women pushing strollers zoomed past me to drop of their brood...and then getting really crabby when their offspring would not cooperate. It was almost embarrassing, really, to be in this line of crazy women absolutely determined to get to this one class. But when I got up there 20 minutes before class was to begin it was indeed full. I scraped together the necessary items for set up, except there were no more little barbells left just the large 45 lbs bar variety. So like any moron I drug that back to my spot, come hell or high water I was going to see what the fuss was about here. After the five minutes of set up I started to look around and noticed I was in a, what I have deemed "happy hour," class. Happy Hour at the gym is like happy hour at a bar, lots of botox, make up, designer clothes, plastic parts, and chit chatting. I started to get really uncomfortable. Unless I am super dolled up (and even then) I generally do not feel comfortable in the happy hour setting. I am not sure if I am being super judgmental or I feel like I'm the quirky shy one or what, but, I have a super hard time meeting new people. Thankfully I did see a friendly face and I mellowed a bit. Then Capt. Winters marched in and I remembered the 45 lbs. bar. Now, while I have a lot of endurance I am kind of a weakling. Plus, I am the size of a middle schooler. So in class we have techno music blaring, my arms shaking horribly, and Capt. Winters screaming, plus all that mascara that one wears to happy hour wears off in class and so its starting to look a little scary. The previous class with Capt. Winters my husband took with me and he stated after class that he should be a trainer too on account of the flock of spandex wearing ladies surrounding the said Capt. Nice. That was what I was starting to think was going on here. Yet, it was becoming increasingly difficult to think due to my upper body being engulfed in lactic acid. Then Capt. Winters started yelling that we were not to stop just because it was burning, that if you stop every time it burns you will just condition yourself to give up and never improve.

That right there sums up me. Most things come fairly easy for me...up to a point. Once I reach that point I completely shut down and move onto something else. Never ever pushing through and reaching my potential. Not even taking a step back to look around and even rearrange things in order to achieve goals, nope I feel the burn and run the other way. I don't even ask for advice I just morph into my namesake animal and maybe bray a little. Now, granted somethings in my life I truly believe I should not have been able to manifest, they simply were not the road I was to travel. But others I am not so sure. This is something that I HAVE to work on. I have broken down my life into three parts: physical, spiritual, and professional and am developing five year goals for each of them. I will NOT half ass them either. They will be done well and with care. I will ask for help and advice when I need it (whether I think I do or not), I will arrange things so nothing is a huge overwhelming burden on my family, but when things become uncomfortable and I really do feel like I can't keep going I will no longer run the other direction. Capt. Winters stated during class that we could slow down, but we were not to stop, the only way we could stop was walk out the door. (One woman actually did). I think that is precisely what kept me going with the ridiculously huge bar, I was not going to walk out the door in front of the happy hours, no, I was going to keep going shaking arms and all. Just like now, I'm done giving up. I was never promised that life is one long vacation, I can't use circumstances as excuses. It burns but I'll keep going. Perhaps I have been too judgemental on the happy hours as well, perhaps there are there not just to get a workout and stare at Capt. Winters but to workout shit in their heads too.

Monday, September 20, 2010

168 Hours - what I learned

When I was twelve, my mom took us to Disney World. I have a memory like an elephant (unless it comes to names...faces no problem, but names not so good). There was a lot of drama surrounding us going to Disney World, it was obnoxious but my brother and I got to go to Disney for the first time out of spite. I knew it at the time and relished it. We loaded up in her LeBaron and drove from St. Louis to Orlando. We stayed at a Hojo. There was a little kitchenette in the room and my mom made us pancakes every morning. We had never been to Florida. We had so much fun. We had so much fun in fact that we didn't want to go home. Not the "oh I don't want this vacation to end" but the hysterical crying anxiety filled with some "oh holy hell if you drop us back off with the crazy step family we are going to absolutely lose it we don't want this vacation to end." All.the.way.home. My mom finally got us to calm down by having us rehash the ENTIRE trip, from wake up until sleep we said everything we did, no moment was ignored. While daydreaming about our recently ended vacation we were happy, calm, not shrieking, and no doubt my mom's nerves were calmed as well. When we got back to Missouri I was happy to see my dad, but remember crying to him in the bathroom that I just couldn't be happy. Then I went to my room and rehashed the trip again. This started to become by coping mechanism. Rehashing vacations. The next year we went again and I had already decided by that point that I was moving in with my mom and circumstances with the step family had drastically changed for the better but the whole way home we went over the trip again.
I don't remember doing this in high school much. I remember all the vacations we took and I usually brought friends along, but generally the feeling was get me the hell away from my family and back with my friends, even on the Lampoon's European month long vacation. I rehash a lot of that trip now and laugh at my brother and my antics; and also marvel how much I had matured in a year, because when we returned the following summer I was a completely different girl and loved everything I saw.

Fast forward to The Disney Wedding: leaving everyone the husband and I knew in Germany, family, longtime friends, and returning back to Vegas was very hard for me. We both were lonely. I had that "oh shit I have to go live out in the middle of nowhere Nevada and I know one person" feeling. My writing journal is filled with the 10 day long wedding trip events, moment by moment. This is my coping strategy. Filling my head with memories. Sometimes at the expense of what is going on around me. What you didn't see when I was writing down my daily schedule is my thought pattern. Which basically is worry worry daydream daydream worry worry rehash rehash.

Last week was an extremely typical week. We always have doctor's appointments, school, homework, the house needs to be cleaned weekly, laundry never stops, the grass is still growing. But what I realized was my thought pattern. I get lonely because when we are sick (and the husband is out of town) we can't go to play group and socialize so I get on Facebook, just to "see" other people that I know. I listen to NPR while cooking breakfast and dinner so I can know what is going on in the world but also to hear adult voices. But mainly my head is dreaming. Always dreaming. Stories to write, what if Ham's lab work comes back bad, I daydream about Bud, I worry about family members, I feel guilty when I am cleaning or exercising that I should spend more time with the kids. Or that if I am playing with the kids that I am wrecking the house. If I am unable to exercise I get crabby and eat too much sugar. I fill my head with memories, some real and some made up. I plan vacations. I never lust over shopping or some item the I just have to have. What I lust over is time with my family just having fun. I lust over time with my husband. (Honestly I believe this is why triathlons are fun for me, they are my dates.) I am not craving time by myself, I am with myself all day long. I crave time that isn't filled with errands, sick, appointments, and medicines.

If I do this job of mine properly hopefully my kids will leave and not return and live in my basement. They will not be strippers, hookers, drug dealers, incarcerated, racking up debt asking me for money, chauvinists, but will be adults with integrity and can provide for themselves. I will still be married and my husband and I will look at each other in our empty nest and not see a stranger, but instead a companion. Yes the laundry needs to be done, I can't just ignore Ham's lungs as much as I would just like to, kids have to be educated, but I want to rehash some memories of my family having fun now. Relaxing now, not someday. So I will try to store some of my week in my brain and write down some moments to keep precious of snuggles while reading, dusty trails in the mountains, surprise flowers from the husband, and my painted toes from baby girl and maybe once and awhile a vacation with these people I love to rehash over too. Could I use some of my time better. Probably. Will I change my routine? Perhaps. But as far as time spent it seems to be well rounded: kids, volunteer, school, homework, exercise, house, church. (When not sick we do spend sometime with friends.) Exercise is fun for me. I should read more books. But I am going to start capturing some moments now while planning for some later.

All that and I drink too much coffee.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

168 Hours Day Seven

430 Hear Ham up and fussing. The husband and I simultaneously pretending to be asleep and not here him.

500 Husband breaks down and brings him in bed with us. Obviously he is done sleeping and is raring to go, climbs off of bed marches down the hall to wake up other kids. We get up to go make coffee, other kids get up not at all upset by the early hour.

5-6 go downstairs make coffee, eat cereal, sit around and chat.

6-7 kids watch some t.v., while husband and I drink even more coffee. clean up dishes, put dishes away.

7-815 get ready for church. Have more coffee.

830-930 church

945-1045 talk to middle schoolers about praying. Attention kiddos: God is not a genie. Middle schoolers are interesting, they are either on or off, no in between. They seem smart and say smart things one minute and then act and say things like my six year old the next. Oh I can't wait....

11-12 drive home and Ham falls asleep on the two minute ride home. Gee I wonder why. Put him to bed. The rest of us go in and snack, the kids demand sandwiches.

12-2 we all go down stairs and the kids play. Drink even more coffee. I write an email. The kids play some more in the Lego room.

2-230 kids go watch more Suite Life on Deck...not sure what the attraction to that show is. The husband and I discover that google maps has been revamped to make the city street view AMAZING. Look at different cities around the world. Hoping that Luxembourg was updated but it wasn't.

230-300 Ham gets up. We all go upstairs. I make Ham a sandwich. not a ham sandwich though.
3-5 decide that it is time to make an early Sunday dinner because the husband is leaving again. Husband pretty much makes the whole meal while I play outside with the kids. Baby girl and I paint each other's toes, yes my toes were painted by a four year old and they look like it.

5-530 Eat the very yummy dinner.

530-6 Husband goes to pack while I clean up. *Somehow* baby girl manages to do a belly flop on the tile entry way.

6-730 Husband leaves while the kids and I watch Honey I Shrunk the Kids and I chase down Ham with the meds. all and pretty much all over the house the while continually staring at baby girl and asking her if she is ok from the belly flop.

730-8 give kids a bath read, one short book, put them to bed.

8-9 go play on the computer and write this. Hope to go to bed soon. I have a fun filled day of the boy being home again, a reading assessment, and his wart removals all before 10.

168 Hours Day 6

7- 8am get up to the noise of Ham fussing in crib, go into Ham's room and realize that he has pooped, stuck his hand in the poop and then decorated his crib, sheets, bumpers, and gave himself a full body poopmask. The husband throws Ham in the bath while I clean the crib and throw linens into laundry. get kids dressed. put on workout clothes. leave the house

8-9 am realize that it is really quite chilly outside. do something we never do....took kids to McDonald's for breakfast. They flipped out. "Are we going on vacation?...we only do this with grandma and grandpa!...are we going to Montana?...this one time at band camp..."

915-1015 drop kids off at child center at gym. run into pediatrician. go to spin class tried to figure out where teacher was from, said she liked rugby husband guessed South Africa and was right.

1015-1115 worked out on weights because the Triathlete's Bible says that you can get faster by incorporating weight training into workouts so I have been. Did lots of ab work and screamed like a girl during one need to worry just breaking down c-section scarring.

1145-1230 ate lunch at home

1230-1 put Ham down, took shower

1-2 played with the boy and baby girl, chatted with husband, got ready to go to Broomfield days, woke Ham up.

2-430 took the kids to Broomfield Days, looked at all the vendors, bought tickets so the kids could go on rides, bought and ate a funnel cake.

430-630 made Mexican chicken soup for dinner while the husband made blue corn muffins, we all watched Wall-E, ate dinner

630-730 husband gave other two kids a bath while I cleaned up dinner. Put them to bed.

730-930 All the South African talk from earlier got us wanting to watch Invictus (mmm Mr. Damon) so we watched it on OnDemand. Very good movie. Go see it.

930-10 after movie is over start flipping and notice Band of Brothers is on Spike start watching that since it is one of my favorites. Keep trying to figure out who Capt Winters reminds me of...

1000 notice that the husband is snoring, turn off t.v. and head to bed. Dream about living in South Carolina for the second night in a row. So weird.

Friday, September 17, 2010

168 Hours Day Five

8 am - three kids join me in bed. Everyone slept in. Beautiful

8-9am - breakfast of champions...cheerios (honey nut just to mix things up a bit).

9-1115 CLEAN THE HOUSE!! Friday is my usual cleaning day. The kids watched cartoons for the first hour. Then they played: hunter, explorer, drew pictures, played with toys. While I: cleaned kitchen (wipe down cabinets, countertops, appliances, microwave, throw out nasty food) dusted main floor, cleaned main floor bathroom. wiped down walls and doors. Naturally the boy's sheets needed to be washed along with baby girl's and the boy's regular attire. Played a pathetic game of Qrank on my phone.

1115-12 Lunch (salad and pumpkin bisque soup for me and the boy, marmalade sandwiches with fruit for the picky ones). Made two doctor's appointments one for Ham and one for the boy.

12-130 clean bathrooms upstairs, dust upstairs, strip sheets off baby girl's bed and mine. Made kids pick up toys while helping.

130 put Ham down for nap.

130-3 picked up dog poop and mowed the grass. The boy and girl helped by riding bikes in driveway and building a fort in the garage with an umbrella. Cut down some of the sunflowers. Trimmed the edges of grass in front yard with clippers BECAUSE THE STUPID WEED EATER IS STILL BROKEN. AHEM!!!!

3-4 made pizza dough crust and finally took a shower. the boy and baby girl watched Phineas and Ferb.

4-5 dusted and cleaned downstairs. vacuumed downstairs. Vacuumed main floor. Get Ham out of crib. Kids watched something else...Suite Life on Deck maybe?

5-6 rolled out pizza, cooked pizza, ate pizza, cleaned up pizza.

6-630 vacuumed upstairs. Mopped kitchen and entry way floors.

630-715 took kids to store to buy neat little items that one wears to bed so if they were to pee their mommy would not have to wash the sheets. (Usually we have these in stock, but I was lazy and didn't get more at the beginning of the week.) Also bought cat litter.

715-815 received call that husband had landed, instructed husband to drive to liquor store before arriving home. put away items from store. got kids into jammies, brushed teeth, talked to my mom, attempted to give ham his meds which he flung on the cat. Cats don't like pudding with medicine on their fur. Held him down in order to give him the inhaler. Once again toddlers and inhalers...not so much.

815-this thing. I still have three loads of laundry to fold, and a cat box to change. Not sure if those will happen tonight. Husband better arrive soon with happy hour.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

168 Hours Day Four

530am - Ham wakes up and will not go back to sleep

6-630am - Make coffee, blueberry pancakes

630-7 am eat breakfast and clean up

7-8am - pack lunches and get ready to go to the zoo. that's right the zoo because the boy has five days off in a row. back in my day we went to school seven days a week...

8- 9am - shower, get kids dressed, make beds, and you know the drill put Mr. I like to wet the bed's sheets in the wash. Look at FB on phone and get into a political discussion with a family member. always fun in my book.

9-930 go to gas station to air up slow leaking tire.

930-10 drive to zoo

10-2pm hang out at the zoo. Eat packed lunches, look at all the animals and new construction, Highlights: a really pissed off monkey, bored elephants, aggressive penguins, cute baby tigers, happy seals, and some freaky looking vultures. baby girl pushed hello kitty around in a stroller the whole time.

2-230pm drive to Happy Cakes, take scenic route through old neighborhoods and downtown, pass by convention center getting ready for gigantic onslaught of beer ingesting individuals (Hi Dave!) wave at the blue bear, snicker at Diamond Cabaret, enter (another) old yet recently trendy neighborhood, stop at cupcake shop.

230-3 Order: two beer and brat cupcakes (so yummy) one for me and one for Mr. Man, one marble with chocolate frosting (the boy), one vanilla with vanilla frosting with cherry on top (baby girl), and one vanilla with vanilla with sprinkles (ham). Take quick picture to upload to FB. (FB loves to talk about food and see pictures of food and talk about food some more) Inhale mine, watch boy slowly eat his, watch Ham lick the frosting off of his and finally about pass out from the sight that baby girl took one bite and has stopped eating. her cupcake. the only thing she ever really eats is carbs with a side of sugar. Ask her what's wrong. Her mouth hurts. That needle scratching the record noise stops all thoughts in my head....she has that stinkin or shall I say mothereffin virus. Look inside her mouth to see lots of sores. The boy states his tongue hurts too so naturally I look in to find spots. Not as bad as baby girl's but still there. Quickly look at hands and feet...sure enough spots. So this is a relatively mild virus only lasting a couple days at most but I guess pretty painful because baby girl not eating a cupcake is pretty severe. Must be fast moving too since breakfast and lunch were eaten without a complaint and actually eaten well. Nicely timed too I might add since the boy is off...FOR FIVE DAYS IN A ROW.

3-30 drive home going through every school zone in the state of Colorado, noting that those schools are in session.

330-430 get kids out of car, get mail, unwind, putz around, change diaper, put Ham's clean clothes away and such

430 start noodles since I am not sure what else they will eat.

5-530- eat dinner. Kids: mac n cheese plus a little left over chicken some strawberries and blueberries they swore only hurt a little. I had chicken, salad, and fruit. Pretty much same as yesterday. Minus the bread since I ate the cupcake.

530-6 clean up kitchen and feed the very old not acting well at all dog.

6-7 bath time, which is not fun. very wet, wet kids kind of smell like wet dog, clean up Ham's pee that he decorated the carpet with, got kids in jammies, brush teeth realized sheets aren't done for the boy. Put Ham down (who got up at 530 and only slept in the car today.) make pudding only so I can sprinkle one of Ham's meds in it and feed it to him. Then everyone wants pudding...including me. We all we pudding and then I chase Ham around to give him the inhaler. (Not sure an inhaler and a one year old work well together.)

7-730 read some book the boy drug home about a pokemon battle and then pinkie pie's tea party. high quality literature. (Don't worry I read them A Midsummer Night's Dream last week) Made boy sleep on top bunk that has sheets.

730-8 Facebook and this thing. For the rest of the evening I envision washing and folding laundry, talking to the husband, and watching television. Should get on the bike, but won't. Then I will almost fall asleep on couch only to be awoken by really dry contacts and then haul myself off to bed.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

168 Hours Day Three

I have fixed the link from day one so you can see where I got this marvelous idea.
I went to bed last night listening to coyotes...not sure where this fit
s in, but thought I would share.

7:30 am - oh shit, throw on running clothes, get Ham out of crib who decided to occupy himself while waiting by unmaking his bed, note that he seems to be in a much better mood.

7:45am - make breakfast: waffles for kids, more cheerios for me, have boy finish reading log to turn in.

8am-8:39 make lunch, send kids upstairs to get dressed. Hear lots of yelling about people not able to brush teeth next to one another. Head upstairs to put the smack down. Tooth paste everywhere and no one is dressed. Get kids dressed. Remind the boy that to today is gym day and he needs to wear tennis shoes, find matching socks. Realize we are going to be late again start threatening kids. kids start crying and then promptly calm down and start dancing in the car when they hear Rodrigo y Gabriela. Ah Spanish guitar....

8:45- the boy does a exit from the car that the mob would be proud of...

8:55 - drop baby girl off at preschool

9-915 go home and search for sunglasses.

9:15-1015 run with Ham in the jog stroller, go over nasty email I would love to write to some nasty person in my head and then follow it up by a very encouraging email that I would send someone else. trying to stay balanced you see...

10:30-11 - get dressed, put Ham's clothes in the dryer and for the third bloody day wash the boy's sheets...must buy some pull ups for at night!

1115 pick up baby girl

1130-1pm make lunch. convince baby girl that she will not die if she eats a turkey and cheese sandwich. make chocolate muffins while threatening baby girl with no muffins if she doesn't eat her sandwich. She eats her sandwich and miraculously lives to tell about it. We all eat the muffins. Vacuum up muffin crumbs (who the hell installs carpet in the main eating area!?!) and realize one crumb has smashed in already...use the amazing carpet cleaner Folex to get it out...have you tried this stuff, amazing!!! Clean up breakfast, lunch, and muffin dishes. Drink a cup of coffee that I will regret at 11 tonight.

1pm - put Ham down for a nap

1pm-1:45 - park baby girl in front of the electronic babysitter. organize office for bill paying. Start paying bills. Remove cat from bills. Answers some texts. Talk to a friend. Remove cat again. Keep paying bills, go over budget. Convince myself that mindless spending is bad and that goals are good. Hello Paris? Are you there? Its me, Jennie (oh and the husband too).

2-230 - mindless memes on facebook. oh so fun and yet so stupid.

2:30-300 Dr. Google (bad idea) get baby girl away from the t.v. wake up Ham get ready to pick up the boy.

3:23- 5 pm pick up the boy and go to Costco. Shop for food. Let the kids sample every little thing that is out. Spend an unGodly amount and shove all the large packaged items into Princess.

5:30-6 put away all the large boxed items

6-630 - eat dinner (Rotisserie chicken from Costco, salad, blueberries, fig, salad, piece of french bread) clean up from dinner. Have a discussion with baby girl as to why we eat chickens. She has declared it something that we should just not do because it is way too mean to animals. Note that she hasn't eaten any chicken and the boy is practically sucking out the marrow from the bones. Hard to tell what Ham is doing. Messy.

630-715 - outside playtime. This involves riding bikes, throwing rocks, playing on slide, digging in garden (we now have a watermelon the size of a're a month too late watermelon).

715-745 - get kids ready for bed, give Ham his meds (oh if it were simple enough to just give him a spoonful of liquid) brush teeth, put sheets back on the boy's bed.

7:45-8:30 - watch t.v. while doing sit ups, lunges, push ups. fold Ham's laundry

8:30-9:15 - talk to husband, check Facebook, this blog post.

9:30 hope to be asleep. Crap forgot to feed the dog. Go feed the dog.

168 Hours Day Two

3 am - Convince the boy that reading at 3 am is not a good choice

5 am -alarm goes off, reset for 6 am

6 am - hit snooze

6:30am - get up, shower, do make up but not hair

7am - breakfast toast and cream cheese for the kids and more cheerios for me.

7:30am- clean up. Get the boy to do his reading homework, a worksheet, and his reading log, make his lunch

8:15am get kids dressed, make beds, realize the boy wet the bed. again. the hell? strip sheets put them in washer. Brush teeth, hair. realize someone didn't flush the toilet and the dog went snorkeling.

8:30am get kids into car for school

8:43am drop off the boy

9am - drop off books at library

9:15-1040am come home, do dishes, change over laundry, listen to Ham continually fuss because he feels like crap, fix hair, get distracted by lobster gram, baby girl is having t.v. time, take Ham to playroom where he latches on to a crayon box and won't let go for anything. Try to placate fussing child with snacks and tylenol. switch over sheets and put Ham's clothes in washer.

10:40-11am a friend arrives with a gift card! Chat with friend, while not letting her into the germ house.

11am get kids in car and drive to Children's clinic for Ham's pulm. appt.

11:30am-1pm doctor's office. Another chest xray (I have sat in on 8 xrays this year. Hope that vest works). Xray came back not so great, more tests ordered, more meds prescribed. More appts to make with more specialists. But he is still gaining weight and eating so I'm thrilled.

1:30pm eat lunch with kids at home. Baguette with jelly, white cheddar cheese slices, and milk.
Get distracted by Ethan Allen catalog, start folding corners of pages with stuff that I want.

2 - 3pm Go to regular pediatricians office to check out spots that are now all over Ham's body. Doc is pretty sure it is hand foot and mouth just more all over the body and not too many spots in his mouth.

3:23pm pick up the boy from school

3:30-4pm drop of prescriptions for Ham's new meds. and get gas in the car.

4pm go home and make kids brush teeth. check facebook. receive call from dentist stating we are late for our appointment. Tell receptionist that I have the happy little card filled out stating 4:30 not 4. Throw kids in car and head to dentist. Now told they somehow had a "computer issue" and the kids can have their teeth cleaned at 4:30.

4:30-4:35pm the kids get their teeth cleaned are are deemed cavity free. Seriously it took only about five minutes. It was a glorified tooth brushing. Good to know they will be charging out over $100 to the insurance for that fun.

4:45-5:45pm decide that it may just be time to eat dinner, take kids to New Mexican food restaurant. The boy and I eat, the other two pick at their food like always. Baby girl discovers the honey and proceeds to dump it all over her dinner. then her shirt. then somehow her hair. I figure she can be the only preschooler with dreadlocks at school and decide to play Qrank on my phone.

6-6:45pm put Ham and baby girl into the bathtub. get pajamas on everyone and put Ham down. the poor kid didn't nap at all today. Put sheets back on the boy's bed.

6:45-7:30pm The boy finishes reading Green Eggs and Ham and then I read some book he drug home from school about the Bermuda Triangle. He falls asleep while I read it and then wakes up when I am finished and throws a fit. Send the boy off to bed. Put baby girl to bed.

7:30-8:30pm Not really sure, hooked bike up to trainer, changed clothes, looked at Facebook, Twitter, and googled Colorado air quality since I keep waking up smelling campfire. Talked to my Dad.

8:30-9:30pm Rode bike while watching Colbert Report and switching between O'Reilly and Maddow. That was fun and it wasn't baseball.

9:30-10pm talked to the husband

10-1045pm FB and this little drivel.

Monday, September 13, 2010

168 Hours Day One

I've decided to take this 168 Challenge because I feel like a lot of time with my family is slipping away and I actually want to write it all down just to see what it is that I do all week and then perhaps change things up or maybe just leave them alone. We shall see. Either way my days in a nut shell.

6 am - iphone alarm goes off press snooze

6:09 - same thing

6:18 - figure its now or never so I get up take shower. Actually have to wear make up and do hair this morning because I have a meeting

6:45 take fussing Ham out of crib and take him downstairs. Baby girl and the boy are already awake and watching crappy television

7 make breakfast -cheerios with bananas - all three throw a fit about the horribleness of what I am forcing them to eat. Pour myself a 2nd cup of coffee

7:30 clean up kitchen/make lunch/get back packs ready

8- realize the boy wet the bed, put sheets in laundry/ make other beds/ get Ham and baby girl dressed

8:15 decide that calling Children's Hospital and my insurance sounds like a great idea- become quite annoyed

8:40 - realize the boy is going to be late for school toss everyone in the car

8:47 drop off the boy two minutes late. bad mommy.

8:55 arrive at preschool drop off baby girl ten minutes late and take ham to child sitting because I have preschool board meeting

9-11:15 listen to all things preschool. Sign up for for even more volunteer tasks -newsletter and secretary

11:15 pick up baby girl and ham, chat with teachers other parents

11:45 make lunch - mac n cheese as requested by baby girl, decide that I need chocolate and eat a nutella and peanut butter sandwich.

12 clean up kitchen/ switch over sheets

12:30 take Ham upstairs for nap

12:45 check email/facebook/twitter baby girl watches t.v.

1:20 put away two baskets of laundry

1:40 decide that was enough t.v. time for baby girl. Read books together, start to take out magnetic paperdolls and Ham wakes up

1:45 realize that Ham is sick. Spots, poops, fever. Remember foot and mouth was going around gym and that we have a pulm. appt. tomorrow so no need to call doctor. Give Ham tylenol and feel really crappy that we most likely infected a whole lot of kids over the past few days. Then feel selfish that I can't go to the gym and am single parenting.

2-3 take kids down to playroom and play with trains/little people/books/pretend kitchen make gigantic mess and leave it

3 pack up swim stuff get ready to get the boy.

3:23 pick up boy and head to swim lessons

4 swim lessons for the boy and baby girl. Ham is happily lounging in his stroller with a bar and a sippy cup of water on the very far side of the pool as to not further contaminate. I had planned on swimming laps but can't due to Ham's virus. So I sit with Ham and realize the kids are doing really well at swimming.

4:30-5 shove everyone into shower to hose off and get dressed to go home

5-530 play outside.

5:30 time to make dinner. Today was declared carb day because we ate spaghetti, well the boy and I ate spaghetti, Ham and baby girl did their usual picking.

6 eat dinner

6:30-7 cleaned up dinner dishes, fed dog, vacuumed, had the boy work on homework

7-730 colored with the kids. Baby girl's became a "book" and the boy declared his were so beautiful he was taking them to school. I made a rainbow and mountains. Ham dumped all the crayons out and scribbled on table and everyone else's "art."

7:30 got kids ready for bed. Put Ham down.

7:45 Baby girl wanted to read her "book" she just made. It was about a boy named Marcus who was allergic to peanuts and shrimp but went to the mountains and saw a bear. The End. The boy read half of Green Eggs and Ham and started to work on his reading log.

8:15 put sheets back on boy's bed and then put the boy and baby girl to bed.

8:30 read about this challenge and said, eh, why not.

9:04 going to hit publish and go to bed early. (I NEED to get the bike on the trainer tomorrow since I can't go to the gym.)

Friday, September 3, 2010

Mr. Glenn Beck you are a poopy head. There I said it.

I can't figure out this obsession with this guy, Glenn Beck. Or Sarah Palin. Or the whole Tea Party thing. Granted I haven't been to one of the rallies, but I have seen Mr. Beck and Mrs. Palin speak enough on television to have a pretty good idea about what they stand for when they start blathering. I have also seen and read articles about the Tea Party events around the nation and while I am sure the media picks out the most sensational one liners from the events, I feel as though I am getting the general vibe. To me that vibe feels like hate. I mean, it is a rather sad state of affairs when good ole Dubya seems like the sane one in the bunch. I think what bothers me so much is that these individuals and producers of such events are selling lies, hate, and fear and a whole lot of people are buying into it. I mean a whole lot, especially if you think that Mr. Beck's estimates from last weekend's rally are true.

I keep hearing things like, "take back this nation." Take it back from whom? The democratically elected government? Who has it? A President? The Democrats in Congress? We the people. Stonewalling Republicans? Or do large corporations "have" it? Do terrorists? This idea that somehow something was stolen from "us" drives me crazy. I was not a fan of how the previous administration was running things so I cast my ballot for change. I for one, think that Obama is actually doing a pretty good job with what was handed over to him.

It seems to me that Beck, Palin, et al. prefer to ignore the deficit the Republican Party racked up with a pointless war, but love to point out money when it goes to helping people. They seem to ignore that no American committed the horrible acts of 9-11, but they would like to insinuate that all Muslims are terrorists, and therefor American Muslims are unworthy of a place of worship in a location they desire. That somehow if Obama were to be a Muslim and not Christian that would somehow be horrible and awful. The husband works with a Muslim woman who has told him she is praying for little Ham. What is wrong with that? She has every right to her beliefs, as do I.

I am a Christian, but I do not like to be associated with this hate filled branding of Christianity I see being utilized for a political goal. I, personally, am a fan of the first amendment and would not want a government telling me how to practice Christianity. That somehow I am less of a Christian because I don't want the government controlling my uterus, involved in my marriage, and certainly not in my relationship with my creator is preposterous. That I am evil because I am a Liberal. Beck stated that Obama practices Liberation Theology and whether or not that is true I am not sure, but then he stated people don't recognize that form of Christianity. Here is a wiki definition:Liberation theology is a movement in Christian theology which interprets the teachings of Jesus Christ in terms of a liberation from unjust economic, political, or social conditions. It has been described by proponents as "an interpretation of Christian faith through the poor's suffering, their struggle and hope, and a critique of society and the Catholic faith and Christianity through the eyes of the poor", and by detractors as Christianity influenced by Marxism and Communism.

Call me a Marxist or Communist, but what exactly is wrong with helping the poor? Now, I don't understand a lot of the Catholic church's beliefs but I don't have a problem with Catholics so I don't subscribe to that idea of this theology, but if you stop and think about what Jesus was saying and doing it's hard to argue that helping the poor and and calling out injustices when you see them is a anti-Christian thing to do.

So Mr. Beck, please I don't want any part of that America you are envisioning, where as long as your first amendment rights are protected screw all the other Americans with vastly different beliefs. I want no part of it! And Mrs. Palin, I love my kids and would be just as fierce as a Grizzly bear to protect them, but for you to insinuate that women can just instinctually feel out a candidate is stupid. This woman has a brain and prefers to do a little research. So yes, you two and all of your fans have the right to say what you want, but please don't pervert people's faith to spew hate.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Why I Tri.

So when I was big and fat with Ham, Dr. Mom decided that she was not to be outdone by her baby sister and signed up for an Ironman. My mom is pretty is extreme and rather type A, so training for an Ironman which takes about a year and is really intense, was perfect for her. I watched her do this, heard her chatter about all of her workouts, and got annoyed when she would workout instead of hang out with me. Then my husband got the bug and did a sprint tri in summer 2009. I was spewing milk like a dairy and decided that racing half naked was not for me. But I do like the race scene. There is something quite infectious about it, everyone is happy, nervous, focused, and despite that it is a race, people are really friendly. I told my self, "self, next summer you are going to do this!" So in February in a moment of cockiness I signed up for an Olympic distance triathlon. Training went really well until all hell broke loose. I could feel myself giving up, thoughts of why even bother kept coming into my head. But then it was time for Mr. Man's first tri of the season (he is doing four this summer, one more left). We went to the pre-race expo (this is where you pick up your packet, look at all the neat racing stuff you can buy, eye up the competition.) I watched petrified and people were dragging their wetsuits down to the beach, smashing themselves into them and doing laps in the reservoir. I didn't even own a wetsuit. I was planning on renting one, but I had never really swam in open water. I was on a swim team in middle school and swimming is easy for me. I have water skied a lot so the thought of being out in the reservoir didn't really freak me out too much. It was more of the fish. And all the other people kicking and splashing that I couldn't handle. So I did what every sane woman does, I shopped. Really, I just went up to one of the vendors that had last year's wetsuits on sale tried one on and plunked down the debit card. Which is generally how I shop, short and to the point.

The next day, at the race, I about passed out from the fear. How in the hell am I supposed to double the distance of each of these events. I had the clear thought that I WAS GOING TO DROWN if I didn't get my act together soon. So after the race was over, I told my husband, holy moly batman, I have got to get my training together. He said, "yep" and then left on a plane. That is the other problem, Mr. Man travels about 4.5 months out of the year. So if the kids get sick and he is working out for mommy.

My mom decided that I wasn't going to succumb to my woe is me state and has let me borrow her trainer this summer so I can at least ride my bike inside if nothing else. Now let me state, the husband has rollers, he is a cycling snot and prefers them to the trainer, I tempt death every time I get on the things and was not about to do it with no other adult in the house. If the t.v. just happened to be on if I fell over and broke my neck the kids wouldn't find me for days.

In between doctor's appointments, illness, Mr. Man's insane travel schedule, and Ham's week long admission I swam, biked, and ran. The funny thing is I became very focused. All of my fears about Ham go away while I am focused on my heart rate, pace, time, and intervals. I mentally visualize racing. Not hospitals, not Dr. Google, not bills, not husbands out of town, not needing to go the grocery store, just focusing on racing.

When Mr. Man travels we tend to bicker. But I have noticed since we have been on this little tri training adventure together we bicker a LOT less. We encourage the other one on when they are feeling blah. We check in with each other about workouts, eating, races, jitters. Right before my race last Saturday, Mr. Man was giving me advice. It was a beach start versus my usual in the water already shivering start, and the funny thing was I was actually listening to him. Generally I am stubborn and just do what I want, but since we have been learning how to do this together we seem to actually listen to one another...and oddly that is spilling over into the rest of our marriage. I really believe that because we focused on this endeavor together we are stronger as a couple during all of this amazing amount of stress and life changes that just keep presenting each and every week. Exercise is a wonderful stress reliever. Racing channels my usually anxiety and allows me to focus this extra energy into a goal. Plus, it is nice to see that all of my training is paying off. All of my times have gone down this summer.

So last Saturday I did the Iron Girl Boulder. This was a sprint triathlon. The distance for a sprint changes depending on the race, unlike an Olympic, half Ironman, and Ironman where the distances are set. For this race I swam 400m, biked 17 miles, and ran 3.2 miles. The swim distance was really short, and is my best event so I was disappointed with that distance because I can gain time in the swim that I tend to loose in the run. (More reason why the Olympic distance is probably the distance for me, it has a disproportionately long swim.) The Iron Girl is also a female only race. While I do think the name Iron Girl is slightly condescending, it was really inspiring hearing all the stories before and after the race about what it has taken some women to get to race day. Some were two time cancer survivors. Some had lost a lot of weight, like over a hundred pounds. One mother of four had broken her back the year before, another had MS. There were women of all sizes and ability. All these women were there bright and early when they could have been in bed sleeping, have breakfast with their families, or sitting around drinking coffee, but they weren't. All these women were saying FUCK OFF stress! I am doing this for me! You are not in charge of my life, I am strong, I can do this! There was just a completely different vibe at this race than in my Olympic and at all of Mr. Man's. Don't get me wrong, I love the race atmosphere, but this was empowering. I am a pretty competitive person and when I was going through transition I was focused on beating these women and setting a new PR, but at the same time I was admiring everyone too. It was during my Olympic distance race after I had made it up Olde Stage Road with my heart ready to beat out of my chest that I realized I was having fun. A lot of fun. I have always had a slight problem fitting in and finding my niche, but this was it. I love this.

That is the one feeling -admiration- I think that sticks with me at all these events, either a race or the weekly stroke and stride. While I admit my life has been really insane this past year I have learned to admire my husband for sticking to this to get his body back in shape and all these other people that put their best face forward when life gets hectic. Not sitting around kvetching but focusing energy, dealing with a problem, and putting your best self forward. And yes, Dr. Mom did do the full Ironman last year and is planning an encore in November. I was and am so proud of her, Mr. Man, and myself.

One of the perks of an all female race, flowers, linen table cloths, and food catered by Pour la France.